Marriage and motherhood

When it comes to motherhood, a discussion would surely not be complete without the topic of marriage…the source of the initial love that started it all.  When Michael and I were married we knew we wanted to commit to a sacramental marriage…a marriage that reflected the love of Jesus, a love that strives to put the other first and to seek to love more than to be loved.  At times this seems daunting and unattainable but when I think about our 31 years of sacramental marriage my mind does bring up snapshots of what this looks like. Here’s a letter I wrote to Michael regarding these snapshots:

I see a picture of a young man opening the car door for a young woman on a date...totally crazy in love, not able to spend enough time with one another.  Every minute we were apart we were counting down the minutes until we would be together.  We were always looking for ways to make the other laugh and smile. 

I see a picture of a nervous groom waiting at the end of the aisle for a nervous bride…but once we were together on the altar, there was an indescribable peace and joy. 

I see a picture of a young married couple carefree…trying to get to know each other so that we could make the other person happier…an all sports birthday, carefree trips, and taking on jobs we hadn't before like cleaning the bathroom.

I see a picture of us in the birthing room with Emily…our love incarnate…just the 3 of us once everyone left…our own family now. Now the sacrifices came fast and furious…no need to search for opportunities to put the other first because this little being had demands like none we’d seen before. But now there was a different challenge…putting the needs of one person before your own is attainable, but TWO??  Some days it seemed superhuman. 

I see a collage of pictures next which all blend together as our family grew and simple things like raking leaves or camping in the backyard and dancing around the living room became huge pleasures.  I love your face in these pictures…by the treehouse you made for them, the numerous teams you coached or the one of you and one of the girls with the worm you found for them to go fishing with.  It’s an expression that says you know this time is precious and you don’t want to let it slip by.  You were always putting their needs first only to be repaid with and “You’re the best Daddy in the whole world!”  which always made you feel like the richest man in the world.  Your sacrifices were endless; one of my personal favorite shots would include you replacing the roll of toilet paper in the girls’ bathroom.  You were so good at this task since you practiced it countless times. 

Every love story has some drama and so next came ours.  The snapshot here is me in a hospital bed after my thryoidectomy with you squeezing drops of water into my mouth…I looked into your eyes and knew you would do anything to take the pain away. We had to put our trust in God and know that with a six, four and one year old, things would work out according to His plan.   The cancer was gone and an attitude of gratitude pervaded our days. 

There are many other 'love in action' snapshots…a surprise trip to Disney, a puppy for Christmas, an adventure with dolphins, rafting and horsebackriding in the west (with Lia leading with the biggest horse of course!), Friday family fun nights and family nights at church, helping a family in Costa Rica, trips to Europe to visit Gabriella studying abroad and another to see where our family "roots" were and to honor those motivations and sacrifices that were the foundations for the life we live today... But the best snapshots are the ones where the love is evident and clear and there is no sign of our own desires in view.  Like when the girls walk in the door and we’re there with a hug or an “It’s always great to see you...so glad you're home!"

As Victor Hugo says, “To love another person is to see the face of God.”  I like to think of these snapshots as part of God's scrapbook.  They are imbedded in the fabric of our family from love and are a foundation for our girls to go on and share God’s love in their families one day. These snapshots...this love...is the best heirloom we could hope to pass on.